


"I Accidentally Adopted Five Cats." "...Klaus, What the Fuck?"

by ughdotcom



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Cats, Don't copy to another site, Gen, homlessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-13 00:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18021482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: “I may have accidentally adopted five cats.” Klaus said proudly as he walked into the alley he was currently sleeping in. His brother Ben, who just happened to be a ghost stared at him.“What the fuck. Klaus, I don’t know how to phrase this politely, but you are homeless. You have no place for five cats.”





	"I Accidentally Adopted Five Cats." "...Klaus, What the Fuck?"

**Author's Note:**

> Has mild swearing. By mild I mean at least 1 fuck

“I may have accidentally adopted five cats.” Klaus said proudly as he walked into the alley he was currently sleeping in. His brother Ben, who just happened to be a ghost stared at him.

“What the fuck. Klaus, I don’t know how to phrase this politely, but you are homeless. You have no place for five cats.”

“But Beeeeeeen. They’re so cuuuute.”

“No.”

“Beeeeeen.” Klaus gave Ben a pouty face.

“No. Do you know where any of your siblings live?”

“No.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s a phone book in that trash can.” Klaus rummaged around. “Try to find Vanya. She’d like a cat.”

“I thought you didn’t like Vanya and what she did?”

“Whatever. I’m pretty sure Allison lives in LA or I’d say to give her a cat, Luther is on the moon, Diego… can you imagine Diego with a cat? Five is missing, you’re homeless, I’m dead. Vanya is the only option.”

“Fine, I’ll give Vanya four cats. I want one though.”

“Fine.” Ben knew he couldn’t convince Klaus otherwise. “But she can’t know it’s you.”

“Do I have to dress like a straight male?”

Ben stared him down “yes.”

“Fuck.” Klaus groaned. “Fine.”

The last thing Vanya was expecting that day was a man wearing what was almost an exact copy of Ben’s fashion sense to offer her five cats and say “take four.”

“Um, okay.” The man held out his hand, very noticeably gloved.

“Awww, they’re so cute.” she picked out the beige one, the brown and white one, the calico, and the black one with white paws, leaving the man with the pure black one.

“Have fun with them.” The man turned away and pulled his hood down, revealing a head of curly brown hair as he lit a joint. “See, Ben I did it.”

“Klaus!” she called out, and he turned his head to see her walking towards him.

“Oh shit run!” He cradled the black cat to his chest and ran, as Vanya realized she couldn’t chase him holding four kittens.

“Oh well. I think I’ll name you Eeny, Meeny, Miney, and Mo.”

In a nearby alley Klaus cradled the black cat to him. “People’ll think you’re unlucky,” he crooned to it. “But I know better. Your name is Clover.”

“Wow so original. Please don’t sell her for drugs.”

Clover died. Klaus actually buried her. Vanya gave Allison Meeny after the family got back together. She also gave Five Eeny.

“Hey, Klaus, what happened to your cat?”

“Clover died.” Klaus hung his head, but Vanya placed Mo in his lap.

“Here. It’s not the same as Clover, but he’ll love you.”

“Thanks sis.” Klaus hugged Vanya. “I needed that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative dialogue:
> 
> Klaus: what would you do if I came home with 5 kittens one day?  
> Ben:  
> Ben: what's in the box  
> Klaus:  
> Ben: Klaus, what's in the box  
> Klaus: I think you know


End file.
